Balancing Life as a Family

Everything in life will cost us something, mainly time and money. How will we spend ours for what matters?

Cross country, worship practice, student council meetings, church training sessions, AP homework, meeting with teachers for extra help, giving music lessons or working, chores, birthdays, hobbies, conflicts in scheduling, serving, SAT testing & conferences about colleges; all of these are examples of an American family life with teens.


Recently our family sat down to discuss what we want our priorities to be, so that we live for what matters instead of the expectations of others.  Here are our priorities:

1. God

2. Spouse

3. Family

4. Work/School/Chores

5. Serving/Ministry

Everything else falls below these things.  For example:

Fun with friends

Community Service

Work

Sports

There are many times that we try so hard to do it all, but things fall apart. Our heart is to be involved and make a difference but sometimes all of these activities can affect the peace at home. That is why it is so important to have a set of priorities and the Word to start out with, so we don't loose sight of what we hope to be.

As a couple, we know that we want to live by the Spirit and it doesn’t always happen.  We are learning to be content in all circumstances & hoping to follow God’s will for our lives. In reality we both are growing in maturity & its not always pretty. That is where grace and love come in for each other.

Living in the Spirit matters

Gal 5:25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.

Gal 5:22-23 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

Phil 4: 6-7 Don’t worry about anything: instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Peace in the Home matters

Gal 5:15 But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.

Prov 26:20 Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.

Heb 12:14a Work at living in peace with everyone.

Prov 15:1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Honoring Parents

As adults we must find a way to honor our parents & set an example as we expect our children to follow God’s Word in this matter. Kids are gifts from God & have been placed under our authority- to protect, encourage & guide them.

Eph 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life of the earth.”

Prov 1:8 My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.

Col 3:20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord.

Talking back and not obeying will result in consequences.

Requirements of our Teens

Live in peace, have a good attitude, listen and do what we ask, be respectful to each other and especially to your parents and authorities. Always do your best.

Col 3:23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Family comes first on special days like birthdays and holidays.

Your authorities were set up by God. First is God, then your parents, then school and church. Please remember, despite who may pull at you, this is the order of your authorities.
~

My hope in sharing all of this is to show how balancing priorities in a family takes effort. We struggle in this busy world, standing up for what Satan would love to tear down- the family. God has plans that include us trusting & learning to be content in Him. The results of prioritizing & balancing family life help bring us more joy & peace. Its important to carve time out for just family & I can't wait for my  birthday get-away weekend coming soon. :)

In the end, we hope that we live a life that has more purpose and satisfaction than regrets. We want to spend our time and money wisely for eternal things, like loving family and others.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

May we all be alert to what will pull at us & attempt to break our family bonds. Peace be with you.

Expectations Unmet

Do you ever feel let down by others? It leaves us wondering if others care or if they aren't equipped to think of how it feels. Sometimes all it takes is communication but other times this might not even make a difference. Recently I found out that one of the main reasons that people don't deliver is because they are not capable. Many of us are broken and carry around fear, anxiety and shame which prevent us from being all that we were made to be.

It is important to look at why others might be broken and show compassion for them, which in turn helps us understand the situation better and also takes our focus off of ourselves. Yes, that's right, by nature it is always easiest to think of how things affect us first.

The only way we are capable of forgiving others, unconditionally loving them and moving forward is with fervent love.

"Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

"Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart." 1 Peter 1 :22

Jesus gave,  and forgave us with love & He is asking us to do the same. When we live knowing we are LOVED, cherished, chosen, precious and the apple of God's eye, this makes it easier to live with a THANKFUL heart. Living LOVED helps us have joy despite our circumstances or the things people say or do.

We need to ask ourselves: "What might the other person be going thru?" or "What example have they had growing up?" These types of questions are ones that can help us become more compassionate and forgiving. This is how we can keep our eyes focused on what truly matters.

Being filled up with the Lord & His Word, being physically rested and praying for the Lord to guide us, is what helps us cope with difficult times. God wants us to love others and leave the things we can't control to Him. As new creations in Christ, may we be the people we were meant to be and trust in the power, abilities and good plans of our Heavenly Father.

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock." Isaiah 26:3-4

A Word of Encouragement for Fear & Loneliness

This is a letter I wrote a friend as a response to her difficult times. I have left out names on purpose. These are things I needed to remind myself of too. I am always encouraged when I encourage others. :) I think God can work on 2 people at once when we help others. :)

Here is the letter:

The biggest thing that pops out at me from your letter in my spirit is "Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10. Many of our problems in life deal with this issue. God asks us to trust and obey, and we do it out of our love for all He has done for us. Many of the issues you brought up, I struggle with too.

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8

Regarding fear, regret, loneliness, and discontentment: These are all arrows shot at us by Satan. They are hard to dodge and I have been hit by them frequently, which hinders the Holy Spirit's ability to work thru me. That is why it is so important to be in the Word and pray, as I know you are. Humbling myself in prayer, being slow to speak and listening to others is important. People would rather see us care than hear what we know.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1 Have victory over Satan in your knowledge that "greater is he who is in us than he who is in the world." Satan loves to make our hearts feel regret, shame, discontentment, jealousy (this is one of mine), and low self esteem.

"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don't recognize that we are God's children because they don't know him." 1 John 3:1

I would say that when you feel loneliness, walk towards God spiritually. He will fill you up like no one or nothing else will, including a spouse. God made things that way on purpose so that we could have a close relationship with Him. That's how much He loves us!!

The more I learn about the things of God, the more I realize my faults and recognize my need for God. It humbles me and makes me want to be a more gentle person. I pray that God will forgive my sins and then I must forgive myself or Jesus died for nothing.

I think it is our job to love people and live for God. If people see how we are able to bounce back and how we are thankful for God's faithfulness in our lives, they might want to know more. Some Christians don't feel led to share scripture publicly. Others of us do feel led to and God works through this.

Regarding friendship: I can tell you that I had one friend for 20 years and we hardly ever speak to each other anymore. God has moved us to new places. I have another friend that I have known for 17 years. Throughout the years we have had a couple of ups and downs, but our love for the Lord and each other has made it through. I am thankful for this friend but I have only got to see her about 5 times over the last 8 years since we moved to SC. I have other friends and acquaintances that I see or hear from occasionally, but God has me in the role of being a mom and wife for now and it is good.

When we first moved here I tried really hard to make new friends and it was exhausting. I think God wants Richard to be my best friend now and I am thankful I have him. We are two imperfect souls that love Jesus and it has taken many years to shed a lot of selfishness on both of our parts.

I will be praying that you would "be still" in the presence of God. That you would know that HE is enough. He will be faithful to give you fellowship as life goes on. Do you see that he has given us each other over the last couple of years? 

I also pray you can get help moving and that your marriage can have a time of refreshment. Let's pray for these two things in one accord. I believe they are both God honoring requests and he is faithful to do His will. 

I'd love to do a phone chat with coffee since we are miles apart!! :) 

Love to you & your family!!  Tawnya